I like pleasant surprises. For instance, gifts. I like preparing gifts for other people and seeing their faces at the reveal. That's part of the magic of Christmas and this year I definitely enjoyed that aspect of the holiday. Of course, it can be a little disappointing when people obviously don't appreciate their gifts as much as you want them to, but one of the best parts about giving to other people is the excitement I feel myself regardless of their reaction, so giving gifts is always worth it to me.
I also like receiving gifts. Jordan, who likes to give the perfect gift and tends to put a lot of time and energy into preparing gifts for people and sometimes would rather know exactly what a person wants in order to give the perfect gift, has found out that I don't want him to consult me in too much detail about his presents for me because the surprise is at least half of my pleasure in receiving. Why do I like surprises? I can't pinpoint the reason exactly, but I know a huge part of it is that sense of an exchange between two people, of seeing into the other person's mind and the way they see you, and understanding them a little better and appreciating them more.
Sometimes when I've received presents I've gotten too focused on wanting the gift to be exactly what I want and I forget the importance of that exchange with another person. When I was in junior high the shoe brand Vans came out with a series of shoes that were made of shiny fabric that was covered with even shinier plastic. My best friend got a pair of red, smooth sneakers, like a hip version of Dorothy's glass slippers. A girl on our bus also got a pair of red ones, but hers were finished in a reptile skin pattern. At the time I didn't have very many fancy clothes and those shoes seemed like the fanciest things a girl could own while still being cool instead of prissy. I wanted a pair so badly, and I wanted them to be that same deep red because it was just so pretty. Vans only had those two kinds of red ones, so when I was writing my Christmas list that year I opted to get the ones like my best friend rather than the other girl who I did not like very much at the time.
On Christmas morning I saw that shoebox-shaped gift from my grandparents and I knew what was in it. When I tore off the wrapping paper and saw the Vans logo on the box I was even more sure. Then I opened the box and inside were a pair of red, shining sneakers finished in a reptile skin pattern. I was so disappointed. I couldn't imagine going to school wearing the same shoes as That Girl. I pretended to try to be happy the rest of Christmas morning but really I wasn't trying at all; I wanted my grandparents to know I was disappointed. Finally my grandpa asked what was wrong. It was his turn to look unhappy, but I was focused on getting the exact shoes I wanted not on whether he knew how much I appreciated their generosity. That week he went and exchanged the shoes and I thought I was in heaven. Until my best friend saw them and got annoyed that I'd copied her. She never wore hers again.
It didn't take very long for me to look back on that experience and realize what terrible behavior I exhibited and how much less enjoyable Christmas was for me because I got so focused on getting those dumb shoes. There are probably situations when it's best to let a gift giver know that they got it wrong, but I think most of the time if that's where your focus is, you're missing the point completely. I think giving and receiving gifts is about looking at each other more closely and appreciating each other. I got so many great gifts this year, and I'm really grateful for them. But mostly I'm grateful for the people who gave them to me.
