Jordan knows someone who gets really bothered by the idea that he might not be the most important person to anyone else. I've always thought it was a dangerous thing to worry so much about something like that, to put your sense of worth in someone else's hands (It doesn't mean that I don't do it; it just means that I think it's a bad idea). I thought, maybe we should settle for being one of the most important people to someone else.
This weekend, though, I had a sudden realization that I really am someone's Very Most Important Person (I'll give you one guess whose: he's pictured above--and he is mine too, but he doesn't like it when I make lovey-dovey overtures to him using public forums so I'm making this one all about me). I still think that everyone should try to see their own worth free from others' judgment and believe that they are worthy candidates for being someone else's most important person, but I also think it's a wonderful feeling to know that if you are in a crowded room and someone tells a really good joke, you will be the first person that a certain someone will look at to share the joke with every time.
thanks for this. i needed this reminder. and that photo is adorable.
ReplyDeleteYEAH! Amen, sistah!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you guys understand.
ReplyDeleteThis picture of you two is so cute. I want to frame it and hang it in my house. You should send me a copy. Doesn't a cousin deserve such a lovely token of remembrance? :)
ReplyDeleteI think I mostly worry about reciprocal importance. Like, I want the friends that mean the most to me to think I am that important to them. On the other hand, I get a little freaked out when someone that doesn't mean much to me acts like I am Super Important to them. It is a lot of pressure. And I feel anxious (or worse) when someone I really care about seems to think I am mud.
I think you are right that we should try to have self-confidence independent of others. But I'm not sure how well that really works. Is it an ideal that can never be achieved? On the other hand - if a person thinks a lot of herself (or himself) but cares *nothing* for the opinion of others and is therefore willing to run roughshod over others' feelings, then that also seems a trouble to me . . . Do we maybe need to have a little bit of our self-worth invested in other people? Not all of it, or even most of it - but some of it? In order to care?
Interesting question, renbeth. I think there's a difference between caring about other people's opinions about yourself and caring about others' feelings or just caring about them period.
ReplyDeleteOf course, if you really care about someone it is going to hurt you if it isn't equally reciprocated. I guess that's just part of love--and maybe an important part--but it doesn't have to affect how valuable you feel as a person, I think. You should still feel charming, funny, attractive even if someone doesn't seem to think so. But as you suggested, I think it's mostly just an ideal.
Oh, I agree that there is a difference between caring what others think of you and caring about their feelings. And I agree that someone you love not loving you doesn't mean you aren't lovable.
ReplyDeleteI just meant that I think that A) it may be humanly impossible to truly not care at all what anyone thinks of us ever, and B) even if we could, maybe that wouldn't actually be as good as it sounds. I think there might be some value in having some small sense of concern about what at least some people think of you.
Or maybe I am just trying to justify my own worries about what some others think of me :)
Ha ha. Maybe I'm just trying too hard to protect myself all the time. (BINGO!) I think you're right. In many ways caring what other people think of us can be good. It can keep us kind, it can keep us from doing stupid things, it can keep us grounded in other human beings.
ReplyDeleteVMIP. I like that!
ReplyDeleteYou two are among my favorite couples. Love the pic. Love the post.
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