Celebration: Giving and Receiving

I like pleasant surprises. For instance, gifts. I like preparing gifts for other people and seeing their faces at the reveal. That's part of the magic of Christmas and this year I definitely enjoyed that aspect of the holiday. Of course, it can be a little disappointing when people obviously don't appreciate their gifts as much as you want them to, but one of the best parts about giving to other people is the excitement I feel myself regardless of their reaction, so giving gifts is always worth it to me.

I also like receiving gifts. Jordan, who likes to give the perfect gift and tends to put a lot of time and energy into preparing gifts for people and sometimes would rather know exactly what a person wants in order to give the perfect gift, has found out that I don't want him to consult me in too much detail about his presents for me because the surprise is at least half of my pleasure in receiving. Why do I like surprises? I can't pinpoint the reason exactly, but I know a huge part of it is that sense of an exchange between two people, of seeing into the other person's mind and the way they see you, and understanding them a little better and appreciating them more.

Sometimes when I've received presents I've gotten too focused on wanting the gift to be exactly what I want and I forget the importance of that exchange with another person. When I was in junior high the shoe brand Vans came out with a series of shoes that were made of shiny fabric that was covered with even shinier plastic. My best friend got a pair of red, smooth sneakers, like a hip version of Dorothy's glass slippers. A girl on our bus also got a pair of red ones, but hers were finished in a reptile skin pattern. At the time I didn't have very many fancy clothes and those shoes seemed like the fanciest things a girl could own while still being cool instead of prissy. I wanted a pair so badly, and I wanted them to be that same deep red because it was just so pretty. Vans only had those two kinds of red ones, so when I was writing my Christmas list that year I opted to get the ones like my best friend rather than the other girl who I did not like very much at the time.

On Christmas morning I saw that shoebox-shaped gift from my grandparents and I knew what was in it. When I tore off the wrapping paper and saw the Vans logo on the box I was even more sure. Then I opened the box and inside were a pair of red, shining sneakers finished in a reptile skin pattern. I was so disappointed. I couldn't imagine going to school wearing the same shoes as That Girl. I pretended to try to be happy the rest of Christmas morning but really I wasn't trying at all; I wanted my grandparents to know I was disappointed. Finally my grandpa asked what was wrong. It was his turn to look unhappy, but I was focused on getting the exact shoes I wanted not on whether he knew how much I appreciated their generosity. That week he went and exchanged the shoes and I thought I was in heaven. Until my best friend saw them and got annoyed that I'd copied her. She never wore hers again.

It didn't take very long for me to look back on that experience and realize what terrible behavior I exhibited and how much less enjoyable Christmas was for me because I got so focused on getting those dumb shoes. There are probably situations when it's best to let a gift giver know that they got it wrong, but I think most of the time if that's where your focus is, you're missing the point completely. I think giving and receiving gifts is about looking at each other more closely and appreciating each other. I got so many great gifts this year, and I'm really grateful for them. But mostly I'm grateful for the people who gave them to me.

Celebration: A Christmas Miracle

This week I accomplished something I have never accomplished before. I completed enough of the book I'm writing to fill over fifty pages. Are they filled with literary goodness? There's some of that in there. Are they full of literary badness? I'd have to say that they aren't. Do they still need a lot of work? Yes, a whole heck of a lot. But I've never gotten so far in a book before. So that's a huge accomplishment. Now I can focus on decorating for Christmas and making sure I really do have everyone's presents ready.

Merry Christmas Miracle to me!

Celebration: Christmas Memory #2: Hot Wassail, Mood Lighting and Good Friends

I met my best friend in high school and she and her family have become like a second family to me. While she was on her mission I hung out a lot with her younger sister and that winter the two of us and sometimes some other good friends of ours (or other family, which were also our friends) would make a batch of wassail and sit cross-legged next to the Christmas tree and talk with all the lights out except the ones on the tree. Probably we were mostly gossiping about boys, but the light from the tree and the warmth of that wassail in our bellies made those moments seem magical and life changing. I'll always remember that feeling at Christmas.

I wanted to find a video of steaming hot wassail to put everyone in that magical mood, but can you believe no one's posted something like that on youtube? So here's an traditional Christmas song I've never heard before, but is sung by Loreena McKennit, who generally makes really good Christmas songs. I haven't decided if I like this one that much yet, though. Note: I've noticed those old Christmas carols really acknowledged the importance of food at Christmas, sometimes in impressive detail.

Celebration: Singing Christmas Songs in Church

I like going to church in December because it means we get to belt out Christmas songs with a whole load of people. I wish we'd add more Christmas songs to the hymn book though. Like wouldn't it be awesome if the congregation attempted the high notes in "O Holy Night" or crooned "Santa Baby?"

Here's a version of "Santa Baby" with a hilariously incongruous graphic. Try to picture the Relief Society president putting on this mood. (Or if you're not Mormon, picture your proper, kindly aunt trying it.) I know there's only part of the song here, but I'm tired and I don't feel like searching for a full version.

Celebration: Christmas Movies

One of the best parts of the Christmas season is Christmas movies. There are a few standards that I try to watch every year, like White Christmas and Love Actually, but I'm looking for some new ones to watch this year. Not necessarily ones that were made recently but new to me. For instance I watched The Christmas Story FOR THE FIRST TIME (Yes, that's right; the first time) only last year. So obviously my Christmas movie experience needs to be expanded. And I need your help. What are some of your favorite Christmas movies?

White Christmas is, I think, the ultimate Christmas movie. I wanted to share two of my favorite parts of the movie - 1) where Danny Kaye does the "Choreography" dance and 2) where Rosemary Clooney sings "Love, You Didn't Do Right by Me" - but I couldn't find those clips anywhere on YouTube. So instead here is another of my favorite moments (I shared the URL in one of my comments earlier, but if you didn't check it out then, check it out NOW! My favorite part is at around 1:30.):

Celebration: Christmas Memory #1 - Elementary School Christmas Song

(This is the meager little Christmas tree we had our first Christmas together...

and is still the only one we have.)

Whenever anyone says, "Merry Christmas," I immediately think of my elementary school Christmas song. Part of it goes like this, "Merry Christmas, Orem Elementary! May your Christmas be all that it's meant to be."  That always gets stuck in my head. 

I don't know if it's a common thing for elementary schools to have Christmas songs, like maybe you have to have a school Christmas song before you can officially function as an elementary school? But my school definitely had one. We had a Christmas assembly and all the kids in the whole school would gather in the auditorium where they had this huge Christmas tree and we would sing our Christmas song, each grade with its own special verse. I remember the first time I ever sang it; it's probably one of my first clear Christmas memories. There I was, a puny kindergartener (I've always been small, but in kindergarten I was super puny), sitting next to my friend and next door neighbor Amelia (who was taller than I was then but is smaller than I am now - I even remember the day we noticed I was taller) and staring up at the enormous tree and over that crowd of kids who were all way bigger than I was, feeling a sort of trepidatious excitement as the other kindergarteners and I got ready to belt out our verse, hoping I wouldn't get the words wrong, and wondering in a sort of vague confusion why it was we were singing a song to our school building. I thought maybe even inanimate objects needed a little Christmas cheer.

The problem with this memory is that for years I couldn't remember any other part of the song than the one I quoted above and the very end: "...a merry Christmas, Orem Elemen-ta-ry!" So this year I utilized the magical world of Facebook and asked my fellow Orem Elementary alumni to help put together all the pieces. We're not sure we've got everything right, but we're pretty sure it goes something like this (pretty sure the kindergarten line is wrong):

Merry Christmas, Orem Elementary!
May your Christmas be all that it's meant to be,
As we gather 'round the Christmas tree,
A merry Christmas Orem Elemen-ta-ry!
The kids in kindergarten are ready to get started
The children in the first, are just about to burst.
The children in the second, are hoping and expectin'.
The carols down in third are the best you've ever heard.
The children in the fourth are spreading cheer of course.
The children in the fifth are making Christmas gifts.
The kids down in sixth are playing Christmas Tricks!
Through out the school we'll have a happy yule!
A merry Christmas Orem Elemen-ta-ry!

Years later in college I reconnected with some friends from elementary school. I remember sitting with them at Wingers where we often went to eat and talk, and someone brought up the old elementary school Christmas song. Trying to remember the words and laughing over our mistakes while eating hot taco soup on a cold day - that's a good Christmas memory too.

Celebration: Baby, It's Cold Outside. Even in Vegas.

Although there is no sign of snow in Vegas, it has actually been pretty chilly. So I'm celebrating that the elements are giving me at least that much Christmas spirit. In honor of the cold(ish) weather, here is a little Christmas treasure complements of Gap and my good friend Carrie who shared this on her blog last Christmas (or the one before that?)



Ah, isn't that fun? Carrie, I miss you.

Celebration: The Christmas Season, Baby!

I can't stand how happy I am that it's the Christmas season. It makes me so happy I can't sit still. I'm listening to Christmas music and dancing all over our apartment. Maybe I can count it as my exercise? I've always loved Christmas, but I think the last few years I've developed as much excitement for the Christmas season as I used to get as a kid. Who knows why? Just one day it started feeling completely magical again.

Another thing that's changed is I've mostly embraced the cheesy nature of Christmas music. I remember sitting in the car with my parents and plugging my ears and moaning through most of the Christmas music played on FM100 or whatever station it was. Now I've got a Pandora Radio station filled with loads of cheesy Christmas music (though I still can't handle some of it - really, there's a limit, Brian McKnight) and I'm LOVING it. My favorite Christmas song right now is Stevie Wonder's "One Little Christmas Tree." I discovered it in our iTunes library my first Christmas with Jordan and I can't believe I'd never heard it before. (I'm so glad I married Jordan so my Christmas music experience could be enriched...) So I'm sharing it with everyone today, the first day of December. Please embrace this cheesy wonder:

(Unfortunately I couldn't find one with a real music video. So sad. I bet if there were one, it would be AMAZING.)

Celebration: Keeping Fit

I am now in my 5th week of exercising for at least 30 minutes 4 days a week. And I feel so great! It used to be struggle just to get myself to exercise consistently for 3 DAYS. I feel like my perception of myself has shifted a little. Now I'm the sort of person who can maintain an exercise routine rather than a person who only attempts and fails. I may not always be able to keep it up as regularly as I have been, but now I know it lies in my power to do it.

In Welsh instead of saying "exercise" they say cadw'n heinu (said, "CAH-doon HAY-nee), which means "keeping fit." So in Welsh I would have said, "I am now in my 5th week of keeping fit for at least 30 minutes 4 days a week..." I like this phrase because it directly states the goal whereas "exercise" is more about the process. When I think about exercise as keeping fit I feel just that little bit more motivated. Isn't it funny how simply using different words for the same thing changes how we feel about it?

Celebration: October and Halloween

October has been a good month. I couldn't, for the life of me, remember exactly why , but as the month ends I have a lot of happy, satisfied feelings about how it went. 

I'm also happy it's Halloween. Here are some things I appreciate about Halloween:

• Even though I hardly ever get in costume anymore, I love seeing other people's creativity and personality as displayed in their costumes.
• It's one of the few days when it is acceptable for people to defy social norms and get kudos for it.
• As a kid I used to want to be a witch, so I have a certain affinity with the atmosphere of the day.
• It's associated with candy.
• Little kids' cuteness gets amplified by probably 50%.
• And a new reason to like Halloween: It's Nevada Day! A Celebration of my new home state. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Celebration: That the Internet Really is World Wide

I may or may not be obsessed with Asian media these days. (I am.) When I was a kid Asia seemed like such a distant place, removed from my own reality. As different culturally from my own experience as you could get in the modern world. Today I can access little pieces of the Asian culture with just a few clicks of my mouse and it feels almost as magical as if I'd actually teleported there. "Hello," I want to say to the people I see on my computer screen. "Let's be friends. Please."

Today Jordan showed me some Japanese music videos by Genki Sudo, an ex-MMA fighter and a musician (who knew the two could go hand in hand?) and I may or may not have a new favorite musician (I do.) Watching his videos is completely fascinating and I'm so happy that we have the internet, that really does bring everyone in the world a little closer.

Watch this, in fascination:

Celebration: Playful Kiss - The Smashing New Korean Drama

If you're looking for the perfect romance fix and you've watched your copies of Pride and Prejudice (both the Colin Firth and Keira Knightly versions) and Sleepless in Seattle more times than you can add up without a calculator, you HAVE to watch this new Korean tv show called Playful Kiss. It has the perfect balance of all the things a girl could want in a dose of romantic comedy:

Adorable leading lady
Handsome and hard to read male lead (the hard to read aspect adds to the romantic tension)
Hilarious circumstances and dialogue
Endearing side characters
Positive underlying messages
And a magical feeling story world

So, if you don't mind reading English subtitles, you should check Playful Kiss out on Hulu: Click HERE

Then, if you like it, I want you to tell me all the little details you liked so much because I like to share. My sister and I have already had some great, girlishly gushing discussions about our favorite parts.

Fighting! (You'll understand once you start watching it.)

Unfortunately, Hulu is the only place that I could find that is showing the show in the United States, so if you don't have fast enough internet to watch it, I apologize now for getting your hopes up.

Celebration: Settling In

When we moved to D.C. I didn’t have work or school, and I with all that glorious though not well enough appreciated time on my hands I unpacked pretty quickly. It took a little longer to get the apartment feeling like our own space, but I don’t remember boxes lying around with our belongings spreading across the floor, waiting for furniture on/in which to place them.

Moving to Las Vegas, not only did it take us a while to find a place to live, but though we’ve been living here nearly four weeks now, we still can’t unpack completely because we simply don’t have the appropriate furnishings. The first few days in the apartment all we had was a computer desk and two dining chairs. Our dinner nook reminded me of a modern art installment piece:

I complain a lot about being in limbo; most the time I don’t like it. But one of those first nights when we sat on the floor in our living room, gorging ourselves on pizza and watching TV on the internet, I couldn’t help loving the camping-out feeling. That is, until my back started aching from the lack of support a couch might have provided.

After a few weeks of accumulating this and that it’s starting to feel like a real home here. As of today our furniture capital consists of the following:

One extremely comfortable and handsomely chocolatey brown couch

One shiny (sometimes) glass-topped table

Two office chairs - one comfortable, one not

Two dining chairs that will wiggle and creak a bit if you move around too much while sitting in them

Two patio chairs sometimes used at the dinner table

One slightly beat up computer desk

Two well-used medium-sized cabinets

Three stalwart bookcases

One matching, brand new cabinet that looks much better than it’s differently colored cabinetry cousins mentioned above.

One refurbished-by-Jordan bed side table (see pictures on the Jordan and Rose blog soon)

We still have yet to get a bed frame or a dresser among other things, and we need to put our art up on the walls so it feels like our space, but we’re getting there and it makes me happy. And feeling more settled means I can come out of my hermity phase and say hello to the outside world again. Hello, outside world. Please read my blog. I promise to read yours.

Celebration: Cleaning Rather than Taking the Bar

I have been cleaning for the last three days. I want to leave the place as clean as I can for the next people because I know how disheartening it is to move into a new place when it feels dirty. Since we packed all our fans and the window-unit air conditioning doesn't cool down the place as well on very hot days, I've been burning up. I've had to clean most of the apartment wearing just my unmentionables (is that too much to share on a public forum?) I have to admit that it's extremely freeing not to be wearing so many layers all the time.

Today, every time I think I'm close to being finished and I start to get that sense of satisfaction over a job well done, I remember there is something else I need to do. The thing I'm really not looking forward to? Cleaning the microwave. Not sure why, but when I contemplate cleaning it I feel a subtle loathing.

Jordan has spent the last three days traveling to and taking the Virginia bar exam. He gets back sometime tonight. Yesterday the test went from 8:30am to 5:30pm. HORROR! Today it could go til anywhere between 3 and 5:30pm. When I look at the microwave, I try to think of Jordan and how glad I am that I'm not him right now. (Or ever, I guess, since one of the major bonuses to being me is that I get to spend most of my time with him.) Because despite the fact that I have been laboring physically for three days, I have the freedom to take short breaks and read bits of the Amelia Peabody mystery series by Elizabeth Peters (thanks friend Stephanie, for lending the books to me) and I get to sleep over at my sister's apartment. And today, once I finish cleaning and doing an errand or two, I get to go get gelato with a friend and then spend the evening with my sister for the last time before the move. With those two prospects in mind, cleaning seems like a cinch. 


On a related note, I'm really glad Jordan is taking the bar and preparing for our future and etc, but seriously, I'm getting kind of bored with him being gone. It got really old yesterday and now it's just getting worse. Jordan, when the test is over, please teleport yourself and the car back to our street instead of driving the four hours back. Thank you.


WE DRIVE OUT OF D.C. TOMORROW! Wish us luck!

Celebration: Financial Security

We are moving. There. I said it. I thought it best to get it out on the table right away and rip the band-aid off for those of you who will still be living in D.C. after we leave. We’re certainly going to miss you guys. And almost everything else about D.C. We hadn’t been planning on leaving anytime soon. Just a week and a half ago our bishop said he’d heard rumors we were moving and asked if it was true. We assured him with certainty that we were going to be here for another couple years at least. I guess that means we accidentally lied to our religious leader.

Right now you are going, “Wait? What? Where are they going? Why are they going?” Well, I’ll tell you. Jordan got a job. After trembling and panicking over when/if Jordan would find a job, we felt incredibly grateful (and a little floored) when Jordan received a completely unexpected phone call from a federal judge whose clerk for this next year was no longer able to take the position and who offered Jordan the position. The judge is in Jordan’s parents’ ward and has taken us out to eat several times while on business here in D.C. He said, “I wondered whose life I could disrupt suddenly and I thought of you.” Thank you, your honor, for disrupting our lives.

The only problem is that this better-than-we-could-have-imagined job is in Las Vegas. It means we will be closer to many of our family and friends, but further from others. It’s going to be sad saying goodbye. But we’re excited to see what the future holds too.

We are still waiting for some details, but we will either be saying goodbye or saying hello to some of you sometime in August.

Wish us luck!

Celebration: Living my Private Life

Some of my friends like to blog a lot, like maybe every day. Or twice a day. Or more. I love reading these friends' blogs and reading the minuter details of their minds' workings. I've realized I'm not one of those people that can be on my blog that often, typing away. I tend to fade in and out of blogging activity. The thing is, I sometimes get really focused on my not-blogging life. It's not particularly interesting--not anything to write home about, you know--but I enjoy it (except for those times when I'm unbearably tired and I throw tantrums worse than a two year old's and then immediately feel mortified about it).

I've got a lot of nice things going for me in my life. Maybe they're not amazing things, but they're really pleasant. I'm married to someone really great. I've got an awesome family. I have cool in-laws that I like more and more as time goes on. I have uber fantastisch friends. Uber. I've got a job that isn't too stressful most of the time and my supervisors like me and I've got a lot of friends who work there. I've got an active mind. I'm pretty clever with my hands. I've got lots of wonderful books to read and reread. The sun is out almost ever day. Thanks to our wonderful landlords we have fresh strawberries right outside our door. We are never in need of anything vital. I could go on and on about things that may be considered normal or everyday that make my life a really nice life to live.

So I will probably continue to write on my blog frantically (or sometimes not so frantically) for a few days and then disappear for several more. But just remember at the times when I'm not writing it's not because I don't have anything to celebrate; I'm just busy enjoying all those things.

Have a happy, beautiful, comfortable, sunny week! I'm spending most of this week in Williamsburg with my in-laws. Then my mom comes to visit for the weekend. Then my nephew shows up on a school trip on Sunday. I mean, could this week get any better? If you don't hear from me, I'm having a TON of fun.

Celebration: A Suspicion and a Secret and a Goal

Suspicion: Part of being "mature" is not flipping out when Someone Who Has No Business Telling You What To Do insists on doing it. A lot.

Secret: I have not acquired this level of maturity.

Goal: I hope one day to be enough in control of my behavior that I can handle Someone Who Has No Business Telling You (ME) What To Do in a way that makes them stop without their knowing I'm controlling them...ha ha. Or I hope that I can at least handle it better in a way that can help everyone feel good about themselves instead of silently fuming and feeling annoyed for an hour afterward.

It's nice that goals exist, and that they can make us feel like better people before we actually ARE better people.

Celebration: Taking Steps and Good Employers

Three weeks ago Jordan graduated from law school and became, though unlicensed for the time being, a lawyer. Unfortunately for him all this meant was a day-long respite from studying law before he became fully immersed, almost every day, in summer-long studies for the bar. Unfortunately for us, he does not, as people graduating from law school used to be able to expect, have a job lined up when the fall comes. However, though we still exist uncomfortably in the limbo land of a completely unforeseeable future, mostly what I have been feeling for the last three weeks is relief. We may still be in limbo, but we've taken a step toward that unseen future and the limbo doesn't seem even half as unbearable as it did before. I think that Jordan is still daunted sometimes as he studies for the bar, but I have noticed a lighter mood on his part too.  So thank goodness for being able to feel finally that we are actually moving toward something. YEAH-YAH!

 

Another relief: I have been given a raise. My employers are so nice, and they gave me a significant enough raise that, with the money we have now, Jordan and I should be okay for at least another year before we end up in debtor's prison (I've been reading Charles Dickens for school, and debtor's prison was a reality, okay?) even though what I will be making doesn't quite cover our monthly expenses. Let's celebrate wonderful employers. And also, how about a little side note celebration for federal graduate loans, because we certainly would not have made it through the last couple years without that (soon to be costly) assistance.

Celebration: Free Online White Noise

I just finished my first essay for my class on the novel. We had a 3 hour time limit and I was getting too easily distracted and was worried I wouldn't be able to finish in time, so anticipating the tantrum I could tell I was about to throw, I looked for white noise on the internet and I found a program that lets you CUSTOMIZE IT!

http://www.soundsleeping.com/

At first it made me laugh too hard to get anything done (try the sound called "vibes" or the one called "flute song" - hilarious), but after a few minutes (and after turning off the musical options) I was perfectly focused and relaxed. I'm still listening to it right now while the fan blows cool air across my face. I'm pretending I'm in the movie Enchanted April. Who wouldn't want to spend a summer in a coastal villa in Italy?

Also, tonight Jordan is making--from scratch--chicken tikka masala. I pity the fool who doesn't get to taste it.

Celebration: Bananas

A friend of ours told us that there is a banana disease that is threatening to wipe out all banana plants as we know them.

He said this happened one time before and the banana we eat to day is not the banana people used to eat way back when. Because that banana is EXTINCT.

He said bananas are just clones of each other so their genetic makeup is exactly the same, and this is why it's so easy to kill all of them in one fell swoop.

He knows a lot about banans because he read a whole book about them.

I hope they can make this disease go away because I like bananas. Especially with chocolate and ice cream. When we were at the store this week I made a point of buying bananas because maybe next week they will all be DEAD.

Celebration: Loving this Video Tender

My best friend just reminded me of this amazing video (See my best friend's ace gardening blog here). It needs no other introduction (or apology).



Thank you, best friend. Today you have proven yourself truly my best of friends.

Celebration: Having a Moment in Which to Blog

I was hoping to get on and post something a week or so ago, but I started a summer term at school and with one thing or another I haven't really had a break until today. If I were to draw a picture of how I was feeling yesterday it would look something like this:

But I think the rest of this summer term is going to be pretty manageable. So...I'm back, friends! I'm back. And I need virtual human contact. Please oblige!

Celebration: Letting Go, A Self-Help Therapy

Pride

This week I turned in one of the worst stories I have ever written. It may not be the absolute worst, but it is pretty bad. And it is a testament that I cannot write well when I am stressed. (It took me nearly one full day of shirking responsibilities and letting myself play before I was ready to write the last story for my Literary Journalism class. A story that is shaping up to be one of the better stories I have ever written. Kudos, me. Kudos.) When it came time to hand over that mangled little story to my fellow fiction writers I nearly couldn’t stand to do it, but I managed to let go of my pride (and that stack of papers) by reminding myself that whatever critiques come back to me next Thursday will help me learn (if I let them.)

Blogging my Blog

You may have noticed that for the past couple weeks my blog has lain dormant, abandoned, lonely. And it probably will do it again for the next couple weeks. I admit that I have become sucked into the addictive world of blogs and it can be hard sometimes not to push some of my responsibilities aside in order to take time to write posts, but when I get as busy as I am right now, something has got to go. And this time that thing is my blog.

Other People’s Blogs

For the same reason that my blog has been set aside, I have not been able to follow the blogs of all the interesting people I know. This, I think, is much sadder than shirking my own blog. I feel slightly detached from my friends and family. It’s funny that blogs have become my main contact with (way of stalking) my friends. I will be back, friends. My comments will spam your blogs again soon.

 Other People’s Ideals for Life

I think for most of my life I have tried to live up to the ideals that have been set out by other people. I’ve talked a lot about wanting to live for myself but I always feared that if I didn’t fulfill other people’s expectations I would one day find I had failed at my life. This week I think I finally got a clear view of what I want, unmitigated by the ideals of others. I don’t know if this clarity will last, but it is one of the absolute best feelings I have ever experienced. Some day maybe I’ll expound on all these thoughts. Unfortunately I don’t have the time now.    

Letting go is a very therapeutic process, especially when you’re so stressed to the max that your temples throb and your throat feels like it is turning into granite. Of course, I don’t think we should let go of everything. For instance, I plan to hold on pretty tightly to Jordan. Also, my family and my friends. And my favorite jewelry and accessories, and my favorite shirts, and my favorite shorts, and my favorite skirts, and my favorite dresses, and my tights, and my shoes, and my really pretty knitting needles, and my adorable fancy dishware, and all of our books, and this laptop, and the light-up mouse that goes with it, and our car. And if we ever have the money to buy the bikes I want, I’ll hold onto those too... 

Celebration: Parents (in particular, mine)

Game Night at my grandparents' house in UT. I miss those nights.

My Dad:
I imagine being a dad can be hard sometimes (almost every parent in cyberspace is thinking, "Well, that's a given"). My dad puts a lot of effort into making his kids a priority. For instance he reads my blog. Last week on the phone I expressed some of my fears and worries, which included feeling like a tiny, little baby in comparison to some of my friends and colleagues, and my dad reminded me of my blog manifesto: "I will allow myself to be silly in public. And I'll LIKE it." When I am the most happy I do act a little silly. I hop as I walk, I jump up and down, I sing nonsense songs, I tell dorky jokes. When I get really excited I run in place and squeal. My dad reminded me that some of the things I do that make me worry I might be immature are things that I like about myself.

The next day my dad sent me a very detailed, careful, and loving email with suggestions on how to live in the moment and find greater peace in life. I loved this email because it showed that he was thinking about ways to help me even after we'd ended our phone call. Sometimes knowing your parents are thinking about you is just as helpful (or more) as the advice they give.

My Mum:
As long as I have been cognizant (and I'm assuming longer) my mom has wanted to be an Author. She has always worked hard to achieve her goals. While she was working full-time, attending graduate school full-time, being married, raising her children, serving in the church, and taking care of other responsibilities she would still find time to focus on her writing. Sometimes she would do something I can't imagine doing: wake up in the wee hours of the morning so she could write in peace and quiet. Recently all her hard work has begun to pay off in very tangible, exciting ways. (Click here to see her book that will be coming out in paperback soon! - read it, love it, share it with others! Click here to follow her blog and get updates on all the exciting awards she is winning.) Sometimes I have a hard time believing that any of my wilder dreams can come true. My mom reminds me that they're possible.
There are times that I feel like I need to take care of my life on my own, that as an adult I've got to be able to handle my problems and avoid running to mom and dad when things seem tough. I like it when I step out of those lonely stages in my life and remember how much my parents love me. Let's hear it for parents!

My dad rides too, but I don't seem to have a picture of him with a bike. They ride together; isn't that sweet?

Celebration: Legs. Plus a BONUS Celebration!

I have met with but one or two persons in the course of my life who
understood the art of Walking, that is, of taking walks — who had a
genius, so to speak, for sauntering...

-Henry David Thoreau

 

Across the way you see a building which Jordan and I have walked by several times, but never entered. Some day, Mr. Jefferson. Some day.

When the weather starts to turn tentatively into spring I remember why I like my legs so much. It's certainly not because they are pleasing to the eye; they seem to me uncomfortably close to resembling albino chicken legs, and no matter how much sun they get this will never change. My reasons for liking my legs are completely utilitarian. They walk good. Meaning that with them I can take long walks.

In the past few weeks my legs and I have enjoyed some really great walks. And we have had some really great company. My favorite walking companion is, of course, Jordan. Last Friday we took a break from our homework and job searches and walked down to the tidal basin (pictured above) to see the Cherry Blossom festival. We took the long way around the basin because there were slightly fewer people and because we wanted to walk. 

Check out the way Jordan's face is reflected in my glasses. Trippy. 

There is something so satisfying about seeing the world at the pace that a saunter allows, when you are not headed anywhere in particular but are walking for the purpose of walking. Everything seems closer to you, touchable, understandable. At the same time things seems bigger and more entrancing. I wish I knew how to take all of life at a saunter. Maybe there is some sort of support group. Maybe we could make one. Anyone else want in?

BONUS CELEBRATION: Other People's Flowers

 Does everyone look like a granny when they bend over? A discomfiting realization to have about oneself.

We don't have a garden of our own. Though last year our landlords planted a lush garden of edibles (basil and rosemary bushes almost as tall as my own self right outside our door) which are growing back this year, we don't have any flowers in our yard. When I take walks I love to see other people's flowers. And smell them. Thank you for planting flowers, Other People. Your hard yard work is much appreciated.  

Celebration: Writing Because I Like It

Sometimes it feels like there's a deadline on success. If I don't get a story published in the next year...if I don't get a higher paying job by the end of the summer...if I dont, if I don't. Sometimes it sets my mind into a whirl and even when I'm standing still I feel like I'm running around. Sometimes it is hard to remember that I can choose to be at peace and to be happy. Sometimes I can't figure out how.

Sometimes I forget why I want to be a writer. Sometimes I contemplate how much work it is going to take to make a story or a piece of a story really good and my knees start to quiver with the weight of the imagined burden. Sometimes there are too many distractions, too many things that I must be or do, and writing becomes one item on my list of responsibilities, one more thing to avoid doing. Sometimes I forget that I write because I like it. Sometimes I forget that when I open myself up and write what comes from my core I feel beautiful.


Sometimes I have to sit down and force the distractions out of my head. Ignore my homework, my list of unanswered emails, the mess of clothes and dishes and old homework papers growing in my already cluttered apartment. Sometimes I have to sit and stare at a blank computer screen until I have something I want to say, until I can open myself up and write what I want to. Sometimes when I do this, even though I may not have put on any makeup that day, my head may be pounding with leftover sinus pressure from my cold, and I may be wearing my pajamas and yesterday's socks, I feel like the world is one big bundle of happiness ready to envelope me. That's why I write. Sometimes it's nice to have a reminder.

Celebrations: or THE GREAT LIST OF HAPPINESS!!!

Going out of town and being wicked ill can really put a damper on one's internet communications. I have encountered so many things to celebrate in the past couple weeks but there's just not enough time to expound on them all. Here is a list and maybe I'll expound on some of them later:

• Legs
• Lavender-colored finger nail polish
• The free samples that come with online Sephora orders
• Open mindedness 
• Charity
• Self forgiveness
• Being mostly likeable
• Letting myself by happy
• The changing of the seasons
• Emotional tenacity
• Sleep
• The power of believing in hope
• The combination of taste buds and a clear sinus passage
• My professor saying something I wrote was "so, so good" and knowing that she's right
• SISTERS!!!

I've encountered many more things recently that are worthy of celebration but I can't remember them right now. Stay tuned for more celebrations.

Celebration: Hair Grows!

Hm. This actually doesn't give a good angle on the CUTEST part. Maybe next time.

When I got bored one time I cut my hair. Or rather I got my hair cut. I like the woman that cut it, but I guess I didn't communicate well and, though still cute, I didn't get what I wanted. As it's been growing out I've touched it up a little and it is finally getting to a length and shape that I love! As my sister would say, WOOooWOO! (Or something like that.) It's amazing what a good hair style can do for your strut.

Celebration: Being Friends With Someone Appreciative

Out of all the regular, free museum-like locations in Washington, DC, the one I have probably been to the most is the United States Botanic Garden. (Or maybe the Natural History Museum, but let's just say it's the Botanic Garden for the sake of this story.) This weekend I had to go back to the gardens to do some research on Brazilian plants for a story I am writing and my friend Emily (see here and here) went with me.

 These topiary bears always remind me of the book The Children of Green Knowe

There is something about going to the Botanic Garden in the winter that borders on magical. You walk in from the cold and are nearly overwhelmed with warmth and the smell of thriving plant life and COLORS. This weekend they were doing a show on orchids so the entirety of the main corridor was brimming with them. It was like scented happiness.

And the Chinese dragon added some color too

The Botanic Garden is the sort of place that can reveal who your real friends are (okay, okay, that's a big exaggeration/made up story). So far I've managed to always go there with people who like it as much as I do. This is key because otherwise they wouldn't understand why I would get so excited about the fact that the garden sports a real live mandarin orange tree:

Or that they have trees that look like hippy hair:

(Only, it's really lusciously beautiful hippy hair.)

Or plants as adorable as this:

(Don't you want to take it home and keep it for your very own?)

   

Emily and I had a lot of fun. At least I did and I'm guessing that Emily did because who wouldn't, am I right? I'm glad that she appreciates the same sorts of things that I appreciate. Being so far away from most of my family, it's nice to have good friends. 

Celebration - Being Someone's VMIP

Jordan knows someone who gets really bothered by the idea that he might not be the most important person to anyone else. I've always thought it was a dangerous thing to worry so much about something like that, to put your sense of worth in someone else's hands (It doesn't mean that I don't do it; it just means that I think it's a bad idea). I thought, maybe we should settle for being one of the most important people to someone else.

This weekend, though, I had a sudden realization that I really am someone's Very Most Important Person (I'll give you one guess whose: he's pictured above--and he is mine too, but he doesn't like it when I make lovey-dovey overtures to him using public forums so I'm making this one all about me). I still think that everyone should try to see their own worth free from others' judgment and believe that they are worthy candidates for being someone else's most important person, but I also think it's a wonderful feeling to know that if you are in a crowded room and someone tells a really good joke, you will be the first person that a certain someone will look at to share the joke with every time.

Celebration - Jordan's Subconscious

I have a hard time falling asleep. Jordan doesn't. He could fall asleep in the middle of a rock concert if he didn't like the band. Sometimes Jordan can help me fall asleep by lulling me into drowsiness with his voice--he tells me about things like how much force is needed to propel a rocket into the air, or the particularly lovely features of his currently most coveted Jazzmaster guitar, or the difficulties of patenting certain types of intellectual property like the Google search engine.

The problem with the Talk-Rose-to-Sleep method is that 8 times out of 10 it puts Jordan to sleep first, often in the middle of a sentence. And when he starts to fall asleep he says crazy and nonsensical things that result in hilarity.

One time he was rubbing my aching back and telling me the different bones and muscles that make up my body. At one point he paused for a minute with his hand on my spine and said drowsily, "And they drilled two holes here to make room for more pickups." (That's guitar speak.)

This week Jordan was talking me to sleep by telling me about an episode of Law and Order that was about a case involving custody of a child. Jordan started to fall asleep and we got this gem of a sentence: "...they gave it to the father who was only concerned with the thickness and quality of her domestic debate."

I like these moments both because they make me laugh and because they reveal what's filling up Jordan's subconscious. They tell me something about him that he wouldn't quite be able to do himself.

Celebration: Vulnerability

Part of me likes to be bossed. That part of me feels like there are too many opportunities for making mistakes, embarrassing myself, setting myself up for rejection, doing the wrong thing, etc., and that part of me appreciates it when there are rules it can follow to avoid those discomforts. That part of me speaks in the language of "shoulds" and "should nots." That part of me is just a little, tiny part of me, but it's loud and pushy. It uses rules to build up emotional walls around me and calls it "protection." It enjoys keeping parts of me secret behind those walls, hiding.

The problem with living in a world of "shoulds" and "should nots" is that real life is much more fluid. Human interaction is not simply a series of rules. And rules don't give much room for things like emotions, inspiration, courage, or love.

I've tried to break my obsession with rules by focusing on trusting people, but really trusting someone requires that you feel they are trustworthy. It is too focused on their actions and feelings, which you cannot control. A couple weeks ago I realized that for me, at least, trust was not the issue. What I needed to do was become the boss of me instead of letting myself be bossed. And the real issue was vulnerability.

I think most people don't like feeling vulnerable, but if you choose to be vulnerable you're the one in control. In the last couple weeks I've found that when I choose to be vulnerable from moment to moment life feels more rich, more exciting, and more real. And when I make mistakes, embarrass myself, feel rejected I can say to myself, "I knew it was a possibility but I chose to take the risk," and I end up feeling kind of proud of myself. I even get a sort of rush. I guess you could say that choosing to be vulnerable is a little like doing extreme sports.

I've also noticed that when I'm choosing to be more vulnerable I feel a lot more compassion and charity for everyone else around me. It makes sense. The apostle Paul wrote, "And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity." Vulnerability requires faith and hope, and it helps develop charity. I think that calls for a celebration, don't you?

Celebration - Real Stories

(This is a quick little drawing of a shuttle - I thought I should explain what it is in case it's not obvious.)

This semester I am helping in various ways on the creative writing graduate school journal. It is a national journal (we're looking for entries, by the way - let me know if you're interested) and we get submissions from all over the states (and even from Europe). It's interesting to see what kind of stories other people imagine up. But I find the biographies of the authors the most fascinating. Here are a few that caught my eye recently (I've taken out some information to avoid giving identity clues):

[A Manly Name], the author of this short story, has earned his daily bread as fire fighter, gold miner, house painter, occupations from which he has drawn much of his material as a writer.

A graduate of the [an academy] with a Ph.D. in physics, I have worked as a jet fighter pilot for the United state Air Force, a rocket propulsion expert for NASA, and a private flight instructor...When not flying or studying aviation, I enjoy painting and dancing the tango.

Born and raised in Leningrad, USSR, I immigrated to the US as a Jewish refugee...I was trained to be a concert pianist, but my career in music ended with a hand trauma soon after the move. I have a master's degree in theological studies from [a prestigious university], and I teach religious studies and philosophy while working on my doctoral thesis. In addition to my academic career, I work as a medical interpreter for patients with limited English skills...

People are so interesting.

Celebration - Haircuts as an Outlet for Boredom

Celebration: Wired

This is not a post celebrating the emotional state of an 11 year old hyped up on 5 pounds of candy the night of Halloween or of a grad school student the morning after an all-nighter survived only through the assistance of a caffeine overload. The post is published here in celebration of a magazine I just barely discovered (it was suggested reading material in an email sent out by the professor of a class I begin tomorrow - whoa! She's already teaching me something!) called Wired.

I know, I know. Everyone in the world has already heard of this magazine, except for me. I mentioned it to my husband and he waved his hands around and nodded his head, as if to say, "Yeah, yeah! Heard of that before." I eagerly approached my journalist majoring sister about it over gchat and her response indicated to me that OF COURSE she'd heard of it. I could picture her using her parched fingers (she lives in Utah - so I'm guessing her fingers are dry) to brush her coolness off her shoulder. But I have never heard of this magazine before and I'm so pleased by it that I'm not even embarrassed to admit I wasn't "In The Know" on this one.

This is my plug for Wired: It's FUN.

Here is my favorite article so far (apparently this is the sort they're well-known for?): The Smart List